W for Worry
How to help your child stop worrying?
As adults we worry a lot. We want to worry less. We want our children to worry less. Be more positive.
Yesterday was Father's Day, and unfortunately my dad died just over three years ago now. So I'm still missing him and especially on Father's Day. I didn't talk to my dad a lot about feelings. I do remember one particularly poignant conversation I had with him about worrying. And he shared a little side of him that I didn't know.
The fact that he thought that worrying was good because worrying kept him on his toes.
So worrying kept danger away and worrying stopped bad things happening. You know he was talking about everything in his life and I said to him something like, but didn't worry stop you enjoying your life? And that- sorry, tears are coming to my eyes as I recall the tears coming to his eyes at that point. You see? I do exactly that as well.
And I think we all do, we think that worrying serves some sort of higher purpose in terms of protecting us. But it just stops us most of the time, it stops us in enjoying what we what we've got, you know, and so in some ways for me worry is the opposite of gratitude.
Because it stops us being- I'm not, you know, a gratitude diary fan or anything like that. I'm not into techniques. I've tried all the techniques and the techniques don't work for me. That's why I don't advocate them to anybody else when people come to me and say how can you do this? And you say, yes, okay. Well, we've there are hows that goes a little bit deeper than techniques. If the techniques work I wouldn't have little love handles, you know, little patches of fat on my belly, you know we would- the techniques don't work. So worry, I have become- I'm a recovering worrieraholic, I think. I used to worry and then I used to worry about worrying.
And I see that so much in parents that I speak to. They're worried about their children. And they're worried about not being a good enough parent. So the worry, it goes all the way down. It's a whole - ah, just worry ah worry about worry, it's worries about worry. So I want to bring them hope and that hope is here.
I'm here with a message of hope to help you stop worrying. Because kids do what we do, not what we say. So the more we worried, the more likely they are to worry. And they're less worried. The less we worry, the less they'll worry. And it's as simple as that. And I wish I could give you the cure to worry. In a five minute video, I wish I could do that. But I can't because you need to see that for yourself like I've seen it for myself. I worry a lot less. I worry a lot less. But I also worry about worrying a lot less if you get what I mean. So it's not that I don't worry at all, it’s that my worrying is less worrisome. So you know, people talk about worrying and then it becomes anxiety.
So anxiety is, at it’s most essential, worrying about worrying. And I do a lot less of that than I used to do. And that is my message of hope for you today. And let me give you one thing that I found, that definitely doesn't work. Okay, and that's trying to argue with the voice in your head. Trying to get yourself to worry less. So my sister does this by shouting Zen Zen Zen and I shouldn't shout, but saying Zen Zen and Zen to herself.
And really I've never seen that work. I'm laughing because I've done exactly the same. You know, we're all trying to shut that voice in our head up. We're trying to argue with it. It's what my friend Richard Wilkins called a civil war. There's a civil war in our head. And that doesn't work. That does not work, a civil war. For a civil war to end, you need peace. And that is it, ignoring the negative voice in your head. That’s what worrying less is all about. Worrying less about worrying.